My Relationship with Jesus
I have always believed in God. Always. I knew there was someone who was over everything. I just could wrap me head around His role in mankind. I grew up Catholic but could not get a peace or understanding what they were saying. My parents made me go through confirmation even though I was not ready to make that kind of commitment. After I “graduated” 8th grade from St. Theresa catholic we stopped going to church. I was okay with that.
I started playing soccer when I went into high school and tore my ACL my sophomore year. We moved to Atlanta made the team at my new high school where I tried tore it a second time. I was pretty messed up during this time smoking pot pretty much every day and drinking. I was confused, angry and lonely, I really wanted a God I could believe in so I prayed one night. “If you are real, can you make the swelling in my knee go down before I wake up. I don’t need it healed, just please make the swelling go down.” I woke up and nothing had changed. I decided there was no God I was my own god. If I wanted something to happen, it was up to me. I was totally lost, with no real friends. Just those I smoked with, which increased and I started dealing. My senior year, I ended up in a rehab for drug addiction.
They told my to find a higher power. I didn’t know who God was so I started praying to IZ. I stayed sober for 13 years still not feeling like I belonged to anything or fit in anywhere. I wasn’t really sure I was a drug addict\alcoholic, I just know my life was better. Eventually I started calling him god but he was still a figment of my own imagination.
I loved to talk to Christians and sow seeds of doubt about how ridiculous I thought they were believing in the God in the Bible. I would do this every chance I could. In college I would go to their “If you died today, do you know where you would go?” booths and make fun of them. I was actively fighting against Jesus. One night I was at an AA meeting and went up to someone I knew was a Christian and asked him if he really believed in that crap in the bible. He asked me if I had ever read it. I replied, “of course not, why would I do that?” He responded that he not would argue with me because I was ignorant of the topic. As I was walking away, he invited me to his house that Friday as he was starting a bible study. We would read the bible and he would answer my questions. I asked him if he was just going to preach to me for 30 minutes and pass around a basket. He said, “I invited you to my house, I will feed you good food, then the word of God and we can fellowship as long as I wanted to stay. I will never ask you for a dime” and I said “Ok”.
Did you catch that? Within the span of 60 seconds I went from telling him he was a fool to being interested in what he had to say about Jesus.
I went for 6 months and went the book of John. Every week they would ask me to go to church with them, I declined every time. Until one day, I said yes. So, I went that next Sunday and the service was really good. At the end of the service he invited me to say a prayer with him, only if I could repeat it with sincerity. It was very simple. He didn’t use and churchy words like, sinner, salvation, repent, or saved. He just spoke about a broken relationship that needed to be fixed.
I believe that you were born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, died on a cross to pay the penalty for my disobedience. I believe that on the third day you rose again and defeated death. I would like to know you better.
I said the prayer, and then he asked for those that did to come and meet him. Keep in mind the last time I went to a Baptist church I walked out when they passed the basket. I had no idea what an alter call was so when they asked me to come down, I did. I nudged my wife to let me by and asked me what I was doing. I said, “the guy asked if I said the prayer, he wanted to talk to me. So I am going to meet him.” I had no idea I was getting saved.
I got into the isle and paused for a second, for some reason I checked the back door to see if I could get out. I could, there were no guards so I continued down the isle. Just before I got to the preacher, checked the side doors, no guards there either. I really had no idea why I thought there would be, I just wanted to make sure I could leave if I wanted to. I believe now that the Holy Spirit was making sure I knew it was my decision, that I wanted to know Jesus better. Twice I had confirmed, yes I want to do this, still not sure what “this” was. When I got to the preacher, he reached out his hand and asked what he could help me with. Now I am really confused. Why else would anyone come down unless they said the prayer. I told him I sincerely said the prayer and I am here because he asked me to come down. He smiled and congratulated me, then said he wasn’t ready for me yet and asked me to sit on the front row. Now I am really confused and even a little embarrassed. I heard a voice ask me “Are you sure this is what you want?” The third chance to run away. I though about it for about two seconds and said yes, this is what I want. A peace come over me that has not left.
That next Friday we discussed what baptism was and I got baptized that next Sunday.